GRIEF FIRST AID
Practical support for the early days of grief
— for grievers and those who love them
In the early days and months after loss, everything can feel disorienting. Your body reacts before your mind catches up. Words disappear. Time bends. Shock lingers.
This page is a collection of gentle, practical tips to help in the moment - whether you are grieving yourself or walking beside someone who is.
This page is for:
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People in the first weeks or months after a death
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Those experiencing shock, numbness, panic, or overwhelm
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Partners, friends, family, coworkers and carers supporting a grieving person
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Anyone who wants to help but doesn’t know what to say or do
You don’t need to read everything. Take what helps. Leave the rest.
When the waves of grief hit
When the grief waves hit, it can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to steady yourself. One moment you’re functioning, the next you’re pulled under by a memory, a sound, a date, or a quiet moment you didn’t see coming. This is not weakness, and it’s not regression - it’s grief doing what grief does.
Waves rise and fall. They don’t mean you’re failing or going backwards. In these moments, the goal isn’t to fight the tide or make it stop, but to find ways to stay afloat: slow your breathing, ground your body, allow the feelings to move through without judgement. With time and support, you learn that even the strongest waves soften with time.
What actually helps in early grief
(and what doesn't)
Early grief is not about “healing,” “moving on,” or finding meaning.
It’s about survival, safety, and being held through shock.
Being allowed to grieve exactly as you are
There is no right way to grieve. Tears, numbness, anger, confusion, laughter, exhaustion - all of it belongs.
Practical support
Meals, childcare, school runs, sitting quietly, helping with forms, walking the dog. These reduce the mental load when everything feels overwhelming.
Gentle presence
You don’t need words. Sitting beside someone, listening without fixing, or simply acknowledging matters more than advice.
Short, grounding tools
Breathing exercises, stepping outside, focusing on the body - small anchors that help when emotions surge.
Permission to rest and do less
Grief is physically exhausting. Lower expectations. Survival is enough right now.
Being remembered long-term
Checking in weeks and months later - can mean everything.
What often doesn’t help (even when well-intended)
Platitudes and silver linings
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
“At least they’re no longer suffering.”
These can feel invalidating and painful.
Pressure to be positive or strong
Grief isn’t something to power through. Strength can look like falling apart.
Timelines and comparisons
“You should be feeling better by now.”
“Others have it worse.”
Grief has no timeframe and no hierarchy.
Trying to fix it
There is no fixing loss. Advice, solutions, and constant reframing can increase isolation.
Disappearing because it’s uncomfortable
Silence can hurt more than imperfect words.
If you are grieving right now
If you are in the early days or months of grief, you are not broken - you are responding to loss. You don’t need to understand everything or do this “well.” These are simple, gentle tools to help you get through the next hour, the next day, the next wave.
Practical tools list:
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Gentle Ways to Ride a Wave of Grief (Even Years Later)
If grief feels unmanageable, or you’re worried about your safety or someone else’s, additional support is important.
If you’re supporting someone who is grieving
Supporting someone through grief can feel helpless and frightening. Many people worry about saying the wrong thing.
Your presence matters more than perfection. Acknowledgement is the key.
Grief isn’t something that can be fixed or rushed. What helps most is recognising the pain as real and allowing it to exist. Sitting alongside someone, listening without judgement, and resisting the urge to offer advice helps them feel seen rather than misunderstood. Simple, honest words like “I’m sorry this is happening” can be more helpful than any solution. Being witnessed doesn’t take the pain away - but it softens the weight of it.
Read blog: How to Support Someone Who’s Grieving
This animation below by grief author and therapist Megan Devine beautifully captures what truly helps when supporting a grieving person.
Early grief is about getting through the day.
Drink water.
Eat something.
Rest when you can.
You may find yourself searching for understanding - wondering what’s happening to your mind, your body, your sense of self. It’s a natural response to having your world obliterated.
You are not failing if all you can do right now is survive.
Some days will feel unbearable.
Some days may feel almost normal.
Both belong.
There is no rush to make sense of everything at once. Understanding unfolds in layers, and you’re allowed to take this one moment at a time.
You don’t need to carry this alone.
A gentle reminder
